MandyScammers 0, Me 1
September 30th 2008 06:13
The other day I received my first ever email scam. The message came through a playlist-sharing website and I was excited at the thought someone liked my compilation of music. However, what I received was even better. Tickled, I read the message over and over, feeling strangely euphoric at having been chosen for this dubious honour.
Here's the scam:
Here's my reply:
My Dear, I am Buffy Summers, the first (and arguably only real) daughter of the current Mr and late Mrs Hank Summers. You may have heard of me. Verily, I am shocked and saddened to learn of the death of Mr Chife Ishaaq Ismail, and yet I am ecstatic at the revelation of his revelation about the small fortune he is willing to invest in THE TRANSACTION. Pray tell, what is THE TRANSACTION? You seem to have forgotten to explain this salient point. You say you require my assistance in receiving 6.5 million into my account? And you will GLADLY give me 15% of the total sum? Why, you are too generous! Where do I sign? Before I do, however, I wish to dispense some advice:
HOW TO BE A BETTER SCAMMER
1. Never underestimate the power of spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
2. Involve sheiks and illegitimate love slaves and civil war in your scam; these are far more interesting than deathbed inheritances.
3. FAIL.
My Dear, with a little work you could be the toast of the scamming community! Then, just as your fellow scammers lift silver goblets full of spiced mead, just as self-congratulatory cheers fill the red velvet-draped hall, and just as you are walking up to the stage in your slinky Vera Wang gown to accept your Best Scamstress award, and just as your crocodile tears begin to streak your non-waterproof mascara, THEN the police will burst through the glided doors, hurl canisters of tear gas upon the shocked assembly, who will scatter and run like headless cockroaches, while a bucket of pig's blood cascades over you and the podium behind which you stand, causing the amps to spark and the paper tablecloths to catch aflame, and as the flames jump from table to table, racing up the back of your best friend's Oscar de la Renta frock, and as the wallpaper melts and burns from the walls, ONLY THEN will you realise that the best advice you ever received was also the worst.
PS. Did I mention I am a vampire slayer?
PPS. See how easy (and fun!) it is to come up with a convincing story?
PPPS. You suck.
Regards, Buffy Anne Summers.
BOOYAH!
Those wacky scammers!
Here's the scam:
My Dear, I am Zaina Ishaaq the Only Daugther of late Mr and Mrs Chife Ishaaq Ismail. he secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of Usd $6.5M to invest in the transaction and I will require your assistance in receiving the funds in your account in your country. I will gladly give you 15% of the total sum for your assistance. Please it is important you contact me immediately on my private e-mail address ( zaina_ishaaq2006@yahoo.cn ) for further explanation. Regards Zaina Ishaaq.
Here's my reply:
My Dear, I am Buffy Summers, the first (and arguably only real) daughter of the current Mr and late Mrs Hank Summers. You may have heard of me. Verily, I am shocked and saddened to learn of the death of Mr Chife Ishaaq Ismail, and yet I am ecstatic at the revelation of his revelation about the small fortune he is willing to invest in THE TRANSACTION. Pray tell, what is THE TRANSACTION? You seem to have forgotten to explain this salient point. You say you require my assistance in receiving 6.5 million into my account? And you will GLADLY give me 15% of the total sum? Why, you are too generous! Where do I sign? Before I do, however, I wish to dispense some advice:
HOW TO BE A BETTER SCAMMER
1. Never underestimate the power of spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
2. Involve sheiks and illegitimate love slaves and civil war in your scam; these are far more interesting than deathbed inheritances.
3. FAIL.
My Dear, with a little work you could be the toast of the scamming community! Then, just as your fellow scammers lift silver goblets full of spiced mead, just as self-congratulatory cheers fill the red velvet-draped hall, and just as you are walking up to the stage in your slinky Vera Wang gown to accept your Best Scamstress award, and just as your crocodile tears begin to streak your non-waterproof mascara, THEN the police will burst through the glided doors, hurl canisters of tear gas upon the shocked assembly, who will scatter and run like headless cockroaches, while a bucket of pig's blood cascades over you and the podium behind which you stand, causing the amps to spark and the paper tablecloths to catch aflame, and as the flames jump from table to table, racing up the back of your best friend's Oscar de la Renta frock, and as the wallpaper melts and burns from the walls, ONLY THEN will you realise that the best advice you ever received was also the worst.
PS. Did I mention I am a vampire slayer?
PPS. See how easy (and fun!) it is to come up with a convincing story?
PPPS. You suck.
Regards, Buffy Anne Summers.
BOOYAH!
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Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back
Go Buffy! You stake them good.
Comment by Anonymous
ms summers, another poignantly gold post. You rock my goblets of spiced mead.
Yours forever (and believe me when i say forever i really, REALLY mean it),
angel(cakes)
xx